WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE
Jonathan, a man in his early fifties, had renal cancer that had metastasized. Jonathan was well aware that he had a short time to live. The medical staff at the prison hospital told him he had a prognosis of about eight weeks to live. During my regular weekly visits with him, his voice seemed gradually to become less and less audible.
Jonathan had a long history of serving time in jail. He was a confused person. At one time in his life, he had a serious bout with depression. He claimed to have had no definite goals for his life. He struggled with being an agnostic and also having a guilt complex which he said was due to his “catholic” upbringing. This is most probably why he requested a spiritual Hospice volunteer.
”I am confused in my mind. I don’t know if the medicine I am taking is doing that to me. Yes, I would like to get in touch with my mother who is living in Utah. I have mixed emotions towards her. I am an agnostic. I am not sure I believe in a God. I was brought up in the Catholic faith. Consequently I am now dreading being condemned to hell. At least that is what my religion tells me. I am very confused.”
Jonathan then started to talk about his mother. “Although I forgive my mother, thinking she did not realize what she was doing, I cannot forget how abusive she was. She used to beat and punish us severely. The reason I am so much against religion is because of my mother and her “Catholic” beliefs. She would have us go to church very often during the week. But, at the same time, she used to beat us. And up to now even a few of my relatives do not want to have anything to do with me.”
I replied, “Jonathan, the fact that you want your mother to visit you, all the way from Utah, seems to me you wish to forgive her. Though you tell me you cannot forget what she has done, that’s Ok. You’re human. To answer your question whether you should bring this issue up when she comes to visit you, well, you know what is in your best interest and her best interest, Jonathan.”
Finally Jonathan came up with the question, “What happens when you die?” And so I replied, “I don’t know. I never had the experience of dying.” And so we continued with the subject of what happens after death. Jonathan then responded, “You tell me God is not waiting for me to die so He can punish me? How do you know this? Are you not being hypocritical? Comparing the catholic teachings I had with others such as the Methodists, they all have different responses. I’m confused.” Again I replied, “I don’t blame you for being confused. I don’t have concrete proofs either. I can’t prove to you how God will react. My assumptions are based on my faith in God and what I believe. I believe in a God who is not vengeful. I believe in a God that does not condemn. I believe man condemns himself. Why don’t you look within yourself for an answer to this dilemma you’re having? Ask yourself whether you want to stay in darkness, fear, anger, depression, and so on. Or ask yourself whether you want to come into the light with faith, love, forgiveness, and peace.” Finally we ended the conversation with Jonathan saying, “I am giving these things we talked about my serious thoughts. You’ve helped me a lot.”
The next week I saw Jonathan, he was sitting in his wheelchair, noticeably losing his strength, and under pain medication. Jonathan started the conversation saying, ”I don’t want to be a hypocrite by telling you, yes, I believe in all this stuff about God, heaven and hell, and so on.” So I replied, “Jonathan, I have no intention to convert you to my beliefs or any other religious beliefs. My purpose in visiting you is to help you be at peace with yourself.” Feeling lost, Jonathan said, “It still bothers me not knowing what happens after death.”
”I don’t know either. I never died and came back to earth to tell people what I experienced. The best I can do is to put my trust in God, whatever will happen. For me this is enlightenment.” Like a stuck record, Jonathan continued. “The reason I am so much against religion is because of my mother and her “Catholic” belief….” So I continued, “Instead of analyzing her religious beliefs and other religions, what is in your heart? You said you want to live by the Golden Rule. The reason you are inquiring and wish to talk about spirituality is because you are having a crisis in your life. Only you can decide what to believe in. Jonathan, do you know why I’m here?” He answered, “Yeah, because you want to argue with me!” At this time my thoughts were this about Jonathan: This guy is dying very soon. Still he seems to retain his sense of humor! “I’m here to help you make peace with yourself. Do you know what I mean? Peace rather than turmoil, forgiveness rather than anger, light rather than darkness.”
“My mother is coming from Utah to visit me next week. I have a sister here in Michigan. But she tells everyone she does not want to have anything to do with me. I also have a brother whom I have not spoken to for seventeen years. Why do I want to phone him now? Because he is my brother, that’s why!” So I answered him, “I know. You want to set your house in order.”
Jonathan’s medical condition was unchanged. He was asking for more pain medication. And he was still sitting in his wheelchair but noticeably he was losing his strength. However he was beginning to resolve the two burning issues he was wrestling with. “My mother came to visit me here last week. It was a very pleasant and happy reunion. We had no conflicts at all.” I said, “The fact that this visit turned out this way tells me you have forgiven her.” “Yes, I am beginning to realize now the order of nature, such as how days are followed by nights. Someone had to create all these beginnings. What I don’t understand is who created God?” I replied, “In the Bible it is written, God said, ‘I am’, no beginning, no end.”
The next week Jonathan greeted me with this remark: “Where were you last week? You usually come in earlier than this. I am trying to get in touch with my brother, but I can’t get through. Either no one is at home or the kids hang up on me. I follow the Golden Rule, but I am still concerned with what happens when you die.” “Jonathan, have you heard about the five stages of dying by Dr. Kubler-Ross? Let me state these five stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Where are you at in these stages?” “I don’t know. Maybe I did bargain with God. I have some friends here at the prison. I am particularly concerned about one inmate I know because he seems to be following a path of destruction.”
The past week Jonathan developed some serious medical problems. He had trouble breathing. His pain medication was not adjusted well enough as he wanted the medication not to affect his alertness. He wished his conscious mind to function as close to normal as possible. Moreover, Jonathan was not in a position to converse with me long that week. “My mother was supposed to visit me again but she had problems coming here. I still want to contact my brother whom I have not spoken to for seventeen years.” So I suggested, “Can your mother help you out regarding your brother?” “The problem is, my brother is not on speaking terms with my mother.” At this time Karen, the ward nurse came in to give Jonathan his medication. When she left, Jonathan remarked to me, “You know, Karen is the Mother Theresa of this ward!” I’ve personally known Karen for three years and I fully agree with Jonathan’s comment. Although she is the exception to the usual care given at the prison hospital, Karen is an attractive nurse. Apparently she is not afraid to administer to these prisoner/ patients.
During the last weeks of Jonathan’s life, he was speaking very softly in whispers. “What were those five steps again a person goes through when he is dying?” “You mean denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Where are you at now, Jonathan?” “I don’t think I was at that stage of denial and anger. But now I wake up at night in panic or fear. Does a person go through these stages sequentially?” “No, you can be in acceptance and then go back to anger. I believe fear and panic is some form of depression.” “You know, you have helped me a lot discussing my spiritual concerns. When I am awake, I am not anymore afraid to die.” Finally I said, “Again, Jonathan, this is an issue between you and God. I am just a mediator. You cannot have some other person or minister resolve this issue of dying for you. You have to do it yourself and you can! Jonathan, have faith that you can.”
The last week I visited Jonathan, he could not talk and he answered me by writing his thoughts and responses on a piece of paper. “Jonathan, we talked about these five stages of dying. Where are you now? Are you sometimes in panic?” “Yes, I am in a panicky mood sometimes. How do you know there is life after death?” “I know because I have trust in God. I believe Jesus Christ when he said, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me, even if he dies, shall live.’ You can call this faith. You also have faith the sun will rise tomorrow.” Jonathan continued, “Can God condemn you to hell? I believe God is and always was. Regarding me and my life, I am not sure I will spiritually live.” I said, “It is my belief God does not condemn. We condemn ourselves, like a person choosing to die angry and unremorseful. God gave man a free will. It is our choice who and what we want to be. Jonathan, you may recover, but if you die, you will die alone. I cannot be with you every step of the way. Be confident, Jonathan, I know you can do it.” Jonathan’s last comments were “Sometimes I feel His warm hand and have confidence, but I seem to lose it.” “That’s okay, Jonathan. But try to keep the goal: you will be confident, especially at the hour of death.”
Jonathan died a day or two later.
PS. What happens when you die? For an in depth discussion on this subject, I recommend referencing Deepak Chopra’s book on “Life After Death”.
Jonathan, a man in his early fifties, had renal cancer that had metastasized. Jonathan was well aware that he had a short time to live. The medical staff at the prison hospital told him he had a prognosis of about eight weeks to live. During my regular weekly visits with him, his voice seemed gradually to become less and less audible.
Jonathan had a long history of serving time in jail. He was a confused person. At one time in his life, he had a serious bout with depression. He claimed to have had no definite goals for his life. He struggled with being an agnostic and also having a guilt complex which he said was due to his “catholic” upbringing. This is most probably why he requested a spiritual Hospice volunteer.
”I am confused in my mind. I don’t know if the medicine I am taking is doing that to me. Yes, I would like to get in touch with my mother who is living in Utah. I have mixed emotions towards her. I am an agnostic. I am not sure I believe in a God. I was brought up in the Catholic faith. Consequently I am now dreading being condemned to hell. At least that is what my religion tells me. I am very confused.”
Jonathan then started to talk about his mother. “Although I forgive my mother, thinking she did not realize what she was doing, I cannot forget how abusive she was. She used to beat and punish us severely. The reason I am so much against religion is because of my mother and her “Catholic” beliefs. She would have us go to church very often during the week. But, at the same time, she used to beat us. And up to now even a few of my relatives do not want to have anything to do with me.”
I replied, “Jonathan, the fact that you want your mother to visit you, all the way from Utah, seems to me you wish to forgive her. Though you tell me you cannot forget what she has done, that’s Ok. You’re human. To answer your question whether you should bring this issue up when she comes to visit you, well, you know what is in your best interest and her best interest, Jonathan.”
Finally Jonathan came up with the question, “What happens when you die?” And so I replied, “I don’t know. I never had the experience of dying.” And so we continued with the subject of what happens after death. Jonathan then responded, “You tell me God is not waiting for me to die so He can punish me? How do you know this? Are you not being hypocritical? Comparing the catholic teachings I had with others such as the Methodists, they all have different responses. I’m confused.” Again I replied, “I don’t blame you for being confused. I don’t have concrete proofs either. I can’t prove to you how God will react. My assumptions are based on my faith in God and what I believe. I believe in a God who is not vengeful. I believe in a God that does not condemn. I believe man condemns himself. Why don’t you look within yourself for an answer to this dilemma you’re having? Ask yourself whether you want to stay in darkness, fear, anger, depression, and so on. Or ask yourself whether you want to come into the light with faith, love, forgiveness, and peace.” Finally we ended the conversation with Jonathan saying, “I am giving these things we talked about my serious thoughts. You’ve helped me a lot.”
The next week I saw Jonathan, he was sitting in his wheelchair, noticeably losing his strength, and under pain medication. Jonathan started the conversation saying, ”I don’t want to be a hypocrite by telling you, yes, I believe in all this stuff about God, heaven and hell, and so on.” So I replied, “Jonathan, I have no intention to convert you to my beliefs or any other religious beliefs. My purpose in visiting you is to help you be at peace with yourself.” Feeling lost, Jonathan said, “It still bothers me not knowing what happens after death.”
”I don’t know either. I never died and came back to earth to tell people what I experienced. The best I can do is to put my trust in God, whatever will happen. For me this is enlightenment.” Like a stuck record, Jonathan continued. “The reason I am so much against religion is because of my mother and her “Catholic” belief….” So I continued, “Instead of analyzing her religious beliefs and other religions, what is in your heart? You said you want to live by the Golden Rule. The reason you are inquiring and wish to talk about spirituality is because you are having a crisis in your life. Only you can decide what to believe in. Jonathan, do you know why I’m here?” He answered, “Yeah, because you want to argue with me!” At this time my thoughts were this about Jonathan: This guy is dying very soon. Still he seems to retain his sense of humor! “I’m here to help you make peace with yourself. Do you know what I mean? Peace rather than turmoil, forgiveness rather than anger, light rather than darkness.”
“My mother is coming from Utah to visit me next week. I have a sister here in Michigan. But she tells everyone she does not want to have anything to do with me. I also have a brother whom I have not spoken to for seventeen years. Why do I want to phone him now? Because he is my brother, that’s why!” So I answered him, “I know. You want to set your house in order.”
Jonathan’s medical condition was unchanged. He was asking for more pain medication. And he was still sitting in his wheelchair but noticeably he was losing his strength. However he was beginning to resolve the two burning issues he was wrestling with. “My mother came to visit me here last week. It was a very pleasant and happy reunion. We had no conflicts at all.” I said, “The fact that this visit turned out this way tells me you have forgiven her.” “Yes, I am beginning to realize now the order of nature, such as how days are followed by nights. Someone had to create all these beginnings. What I don’t understand is who created God?” I replied, “In the Bible it is written, God said, ‘I am’, no beginning, no end.”
The next week Jonathan greeted me with this remark: “Where were you last week? You usually come in earlier than this. I am trying to get in touch with my brother, but I can’t get through. Either no one is at home or the kids hang up on me. I follow the Golden Rule, but I am still concerned with what happens when you die.” “Jonathan, have you heard about the five stages of dying by Dr. Kubler-Ross? Let me state these five stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Where are you at in these stages?” “I don’t know. Maybe I did bargain with God. I have some friends here at the prison. I am particularly concerned about one inmate I know because he seems to be following a path of destruction.”
The past week Jonathan developed some serious medical problems. He had trouble breathing. His pain medication was not adjusted well enough as he wanted the medication not to affect his alertness. He wished his conscious mind to function as close to normal as possible. Moreover, Jonathan was not in a position to converse with me long that week. “My mother was supposed to visit me again but she had problems coming here. I still want to contact my brother whom I have not spoken to for seventeen years.” So I suggested, “Can your mother help you out regarding your brother?” “The problem is, my brother is not on speaking terms with my mother.” At this time Karen, the ward nurse came in to give Jonathan his medication. When she left, Jonathan remarked to me, “You know, Karen is the Mother Theresa of this ward!” I’ve personally known Karen for three years and I fully agree with Jonathan’s comment. Although she is the exception to the usual care given at the prison hospital, Karen is an attractive nurse. Apparently she is not afraid to administer to these prisoner/ patients.
During the last weeks of Jonathan’s life, he was speaking very softly in whispers. “What were those five steps again a person goes through when he is dying?” “You mean denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Where are you at now, Jonathan?” “I don’t think I was at that stage of denial and anger. But now I wake up at night in panic or fear. Does a person go through these stages sequentially?” “No, you can be in acceptance and then go back to anger. I believe fear and panic is some form of depression.” “You know, you have helped me a lot discussing my spiritual concerns. When I am awake, I am not anymore afraid to die.” Finally I said, “Again, Jonathan, this is an issue between you and God. I am just a mediator. You cannot have some other person or minister resolve this issue of dying for you. You have to do it yourself and you can! Jonathan, have faith that you can.”
The last week I visited Jonathan, he could not talk and he answered me by writing his thoughts and responses on a piece of paper. “Jonathan, we talked about these five stages of dying. Where are you now? Are you sometimes in panic?” “Yes, I am in a panicky mood sometimes. How do you know there is life after death?” “I know because I have trust in God. I believe Jesus Christ when he said, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me, even if he dies, shall live.’ You can call this faith. You also have faith the sun will rise tomorrow.” Jonathan continued, “Can God condemn you to hell? I believe God is and always was. Regarding me and my life, I am not sure I will spiritually live.” I said, “It is my belief God does not condemn. We condemn ourselves, like a person choosing to die angry and unremorseful. God gave man a free will. It is our choice who and what we want to be. Jonathan, you may recover, but if you die, you will die alone. I cannot be with you every step of the way. Be confident, Jonathan, I know you can do it.” Jonathan’s last comments were “Sometimes I feel His warm hand and have confidence, but I seem to lose it.” “That’s okay, Jonathan. But try to keep the goal: you will be confident, especially at the hour of death.”
Jonathan died a day or two later.
PS. What happens when you die? For an in depth discussion on this subject, I recommend referencing Deepak Chopra’s book on “Life After Death”.
posted by Antonio at 10:08 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home