DYING ALONE

During one of my visits to the prison hospital, I was warned about Jake, a black prisoner/inmate. I was given a summary of his past activities. He was serving time for murder. “He likes to talk and is a good conversationalist. He is not one to be trusted.”

Jake was dying of metastasis lung cancer. He was in constant pain which was treated with morphine medication. As is common with these patients, he had long ago lost contact with any of his relatives or friends outside the prison walls. Jake said, ”I would like to see my son, Kevin. He is the youngest and it would be nice to see him. There are no bad relations to make up for, but him being the youngest, I would like to make sure he gets the right picture of me.” Later, I mentioned this to the medical social worker who then promised to get in touch with Jake’s relatives.

Jake talked about his upbringing. “I was raised in the South. While I was growing up, I was put to work right away. ‘Boy, do this or boy do that’. So I missed being a normal child. I have no regrets about my parents. They did the best under these circumstances.” During my visit, Jake wanted to be heard rather than spoken to.

The following week, I went in his room again to visit him. “How are you feeling, Jake?” “I am having a bad day today with pain. I am angry at my family whom I wrote to recently. They have not come to visit me. If it were the other way around, there is no question I would be there for them.” Eventually we talk about dying. Jake said,” If someone takes me on a trip, I always want to know where I am going.” I replied, “No one knows for sure where they are going. But you told me you have trust in God and you pray to him. Be confident you’ll find peace wherever you will go.” “If I ask God for something, will He give it to me?” I replied,”As a father gives his son the best, He will. Unless what you ask for will not be in your best interest.”

Jake then went on to talk about how things are not fair in this country. He seemed to be going on and on talking about politics and how society was going downhill. What he was trying to tell me is that he was mistreated by society. After listening a while I decided to leave and told him I needed to see other patients. Thereafter, I noticed he was crying. Our conversation went silent. Finally Jake said "I don't want to die alone".

I stayed longer in my visit to him that day. After someone leaves a prisoner’s room, following prison rules, you need to shut his room door where now no one can go in or out of the room without either the hospital staff or prisoner guards unlocking the door. Most of these prisoner/patients die alone. Five days later, Jake died.

Reference - "We're All Doing Time" by Bo Lozoff