My MOTHER
Jerry had metastasis tongue cancer. The resulting surgery caused him to speak with a slur. The doctors gave him a six month life prognosis. Jerry was a product of a dysfunctional family. His mother was abusive and domineering. At one time she ordered his father to dance in front of her while she was firing gunshots around him. His older sister sexually abused him. He was in prison for intentional assault. He was also very angry at the prison system.
“How have you been, Jerry? Are you in pain?” He replied,”My throat hurts. This prevents me from eating well. I was quoted wrongly by the doctor who said I initially refused treatment. Last week they finally extracted all my teeth. If I had treatment earlier, I would have been cured of this cancer.” “ Jerry, when dealing with cancer, not everyone can be assured they will be cured. What has happened in the past cannot be undone.,” I replied. Suddenly Jerry showed his anger. “Who are you to tell me what I believe? These things have not happened to you. How can you judge me? You say you are from Hospice? Who are you to tell me I’ll die in six months. (Jerry was associating me with the prison staff.) I know you know much more about me then you care to show.” I then apologized to Jerry, also telling him I am a volunteer independent of the prison system and my purpose was to help him in his social and spiritual needs. Jerry was still angry. “if you want to help me, go talk to the Parole board. After all they have done to me while incarcerated; they might as well have shot me beforehand instead of me going through all this.”
In the course of our conversation, the underlying reason for Jerry’s anger finally surfaced. “My mother is a very domineering person. I was always giving her the money I earned. I have been under her control all my life. Now this cancer …….. I swear that before I die, I am going to tell my mother what she has done to me.” “ I understand what you have been through and if it did happen to me I probably might act with a vengeance. However, do you think this is the right thing to do in order to release you from her bondage?”, I replied.
Jerry had a visit from his father. Then his mother and sister also came to visit him. In my second visit, I asked Jerry how he felt about his relatives, especially his mother. “Yes, I did tell my mother off. “ Jerry was still angry even at the hospital staff. “The nurses here threatened to discontinue treating me. They are trying to poison me here.” The nurses at the station gave me a different story.
In my visits with Jerry we talked about reconciliation and some evidence of affection shown by the mothers’ willingness to visit him. The mother and sister followed with subsequent visits. Jerry seemed to feel better after their continual visits. However, his sister stopped coming for these visits. The reason being, she was put back in jail in her home state for parole violation. In one of my visits I asked Jerry, “How is everything with you Jerry?” “I feel fine. The chemo treatment brought me back to being normal again. And how is everything with you.” “Fine. as best as can be expected. Are you still angry at your mother?’ “No, I am not angry at her anymore. In fact, I now feel sorry for her.”
Eventually Jerry received a medical parole and was to be released from prison very soon. In my last visit with him he said this to me. “I do not intend to revert back to my old self. No, she is not going to get me all upset as before. I intend to take care of myself, continue cancer treatments, be at peace, etc. I now want to take care of my mother.”
A month after his release, Jerry died.
Jerry had metastasis tongue cancer. The resulting surgery caused him to speak with a slur. The doctors gave him a six month life prognosis. Jerry was a product of a dysfunctional family. His mother was abusive and domineering. At one time she ordered his father to dance in front of her while she was firing gunshots around him. His older sister sexually abused him. He was in prison for intentional assault. He was also very angry at the prison system.
“How have you been, Jerry? Are you in pain?” He replied,”My throat hurts. This prevents me from eating well. I was quoted wrongly by the doctor who said I initially refused treatment. Last week they finally extracted all my teeth. If I had treatment earlier, I would have been cured of this cancer.” “ Jerry, when dealing with cancer, not everyone can be assured they will be cured. What has happened in the past cannot be undone.,” I replied. Suddenly Jerry showed his anger. “Who are you to tell me what I believe? These things have not happened to you. How can you judge me? You say you are from Hospice? Who are you to tell me I’ll die in six months. (Jerry was associating me with the prison staff.) I know you know much more about me then you care to show.” I then apologized to Jerry, also telling him I am a volunteer independent of the prison system and my purpose was to help him in his social and spiritual needs. Jerry was still angry. “if you want to help me, go talk to the Parole board. After all they have done to me while incarcerated; they might as well have shot me beforehand instead of me going through all this.”
In the course of our conversation, the underlying reason for Jerry’s anger finally surfaced. “My mother is a very domineering person. I was always giving her the money I earned. I have been under her control all my life. Now this cancer …….. I swear that before I die, I am going to tell my mother what she has done to me.” “ I understand what you have been through and if it did happen to me I probably might act with a vengeance. However, do you think this is the right thing to do in order to release you from her bondage?”, I replied.
Jerry had a visit from his father. Then his mother and sister also came to visit him. In my second visit, I asked Jerry how he felt about his relatives, especially his mother. “Yes, I did tell my mother off. “ Jerry was still angry even at the hospital staff. “The nurses here threatened to discontinue treating me. They are trying to poison me here.” The nurses at the station gave me a different story.
In my visits with Jerry we talked about reconciliation and some evidence of affection shown by the mothers’ willingness to visit him. The mother and sister followed with subsequent visits. Jerry seemed to feel better after their continual visits. However, his sister stopped coming for these visits. The reason being, she was put back in jail in her home state for parole violation. In one of my visits I asked Jerry, “How is everything with you Jerry?” “I feel fine. The chemo treatment brought me back to being normal again. And how is everything with you.” “Fine. as best as can be expected. Are you still angry at your mother?’ “No, I am not angry at her anymore. In fact, I now feel sorry for her.”
Eventually Jerry received a medical parole and was to be released from prison very soon. In my last visit with him he said this to me. “I do not intend to revert back to my old self. No, she is not going to get me all upset as before. I intend to take care of myself, continue cancer treatments, be at peace, etc. I now want to take care of my mother.”
A month after his release, Jerry died.
posted by Antonio at 9:18 AM
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