SON, STAY AWAY FROM PRISON LIFE

Richard, a 42 year old Caucasian was dying of cancer, most probably from Leukemia. He was estranged from his wife, but he definitely continued his relationship with his 14 year old son. He also had visits from his sisters and brother who came regularly to see him at the prison hospital.

Richard refused treatments at the hospital even when he was transferred for a short duration to the city hospital which is better equipped to treat cancer patients. He was also concerned the treatments would affect his awareness, especially when his relatives came to visit him. In my initial visit with Richard, his conversations were primarily dominated by his complaints on how the prison system was badly treating him. “Don’t people have any compassion anymore?”, he remarked. “Why are you leaning towards me? Don’t you believe what I am telling you?” So I apologized and said, “I am leaning towards you because I forgot my hearing aid. I want to be clear what you are telling me”. “
Richard then said,“I am primarily bitter how the prison system is treating me. My thoughts are preoccupied with this.”

So finally I said,”I am informed your (fourteen year old) son desperately wants to visit you. Shouldn’t you be spending more time thinking what you will say to him when he comes to see you? Instead you are squandering your time with this crap you are constantly dwelling on. This may be a very meaningful visit from your son. Don’t you think your son is much more important? You also requested your Bible left in your cell block. I assume you believe in God. What about your spiritual life? Have you given that much thought to it?”

The following is a letter Tim, his fourteen year old son wrote to Richard;

Dear Dad,

I remember in your last letter you said that you were not feeling well. Ever since then, I have been hoping you were better. When Mom told me the news today, I was devastated. Since our last contact, a lot has gone on.

Recently, I got into trouble at school. And since that time, I have had time to think. I think of you when I play my guitar. I have been practicing, and I can hear the difference in my playing.

The other day, I asked Mom to develop the film that was left in your camera. The very first picture was of you. I even saw the pictures of when I first got my BB gun. It has got several pictures of me shooting my BB gun. I remember that it was very difficult for me to lift the BB gun.

It was a sad day for me about a week ago regarding my NASCAR life. Dale Earnhart was instantly killed. I love NASCAR and I love cars. My favorite is the Chrysler PT Cruiser.

Dad, I know you are ashamed of what I will think if I get to see you. It would mean the world to me if I could see you one last time. All I want from you is a hug and for me to tell you face to face how much I really do love you. I will be praying to God telling Him to take care of you.

I don’t think I could go on with my life if I don’t see you one more time. I would be just way too sad. I am so happy you aren’t afraid to die. You are the strongest person I know, Dad. I love you Dad. Please don’t leave me without a goodbye. I love you. Please, please. please let me see you one final time. And when you do go on to that place called Heaven, please be there for me when I need you to help me make the right decisions,

I love you forever,
Tim


This is the father’s response to his son, Tim;

Dear Tim,

I just don’t know where to begin. I want you to know I love you. Do you still have your BB gun? If you do I hope you are careful with it. I hope you are good on the guitar. And take good care of it because it is one of a kind. They don’t make them like that anymore. I sure hope you are going to school. It is not easy without an education. It’s not easy with an education either. Try hard to stay out of trouble. Sometimes trouble follows you and it takes an effort to keep away from it. When you get older you might want to move out of “the penitentiary state”. They lock up a lot of people here and throw away the key.

I’m sorry – I wish I could take you fishing one more time. The words don’t come easy for me. You are the most important thing in the world to me and I let you down.


A couple of weeks passed. Richard has deteriorated from two days ago. He looks more tired and is coughing blood. He had a visit from his fourteen year old son, Tim, yesterday. “How was the visit with your son yesterday?”,I asked. “It was good and bad. I told him to stay away from prison life.” “Did you tell your son you love him?”,I remarked. “Yes I did.” And what did the doctor say about your present medical condition?” “I don’t even want to see him (the doctor) anymore.” “You know you are putting yourself in a situation where you could die soon”. “Yes, I realize that. I don’t care anymore.” Finally I said,”Turning away from this negativity, you still can have a positive influence with your son. And what about your spiritual life? You must believe in God since you asked for your Bible. Don’t you think it’s time for you to think about this?” “I am going to do that right now”, Richard answered.

Richard died four days later. Last Friday he suddenly turned for the worse. He requested the prison Medical Social Worker to get a minister to come and visit him. The MSW told me Richard looked frightened nearing his death. His death was too sudden.