A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
Russ Thompson was a man in his middle fifties admitted at the prison hospital for end stage COPD. During my visits with him he was usually on a wheel chair and he was attached to an oxygen tube to facilitate his breathing. He also had emphysema which resulted in him uncomfortably coughing regularly. I decided to write a brief biography of his life. In my judgment, his last days in his life shows more of an interesting drama of human nature then what you can watch on most current TV programs. Here is his story.
“I am thankful to talk with someone who has similar beliefs as I do. I am at peace with myself. My only regret is that I have not been truly of God until these last recent years.” Mr. Thompson started his spiritual path about one or two years ago. He was surprised how much peace it has brought in his life. He credits his conversion to his incarceration in the state prison. “As I was serving my time here in prison, I began to see the spiritual side of me. I don’t know why I committed those crimes which till now I am very remorseful.” Mr. Thompson needed some uplifting. So I said to him, ”You had to go the bottom of your humanity to see the truth of what your spiritual self is made of. Now it is time to move on to a better way of life.” “I do not fear death”’ he said. “I am confident at the thought of death.”
As is typical of prisoners such as Mr. Thompson, he had his up and down days. This is what he told me in the following visit: “I am still very much focused on communicating with God through my prayers. But I am having difficulty meditating this week. My mother just informed me that my brother committed suicide. I am hoping and praying God will still accept him. It bothers me.” “Russ, God’s mercy exceeds more than what any of us humans are capable of. Besides, you do not really know what mental torture your brother had to go through before he decided to end his life. Are we sure you or I would have acted differently?” Russ continued, “When I was growing up I was very close to a brother who had cerebral palsy. No one in the family could understand his speech. But I did. I wanted to take care of him. I was angry at God for giving me such a brother with cerebral palsy. I could not stomach those preachers on TV talking about God. Now I believe I am a different person. But once in a while the old personality seems to come back. I catch myself and start praying.” Later, as I was leaving the prison hospital, I wondered. Was this the brother his mother informed him who recently committed suicide?
“I was a different person before I found God. However, I am not always confident I have completely rejected my past life. Tony, here is an example of what I am talking about. This incident recently happened. I was shaving with my safety razor here at the hospital and the nurse told me to turn the safety razor in. I have 20 or more safety razors in my cell block and I could not understand why I could not keep mine here. The nurse quickly responded, “I am going to write you a ticket (violation).” At first this made me angry. But then I calmed down because I am now not an angry man. I used to be before. Even when I was growing up I was that way. I would challenge every authority figure.” “Russ, we are not human beings that are perfect in every way. When your thoughts come back where you find yourself as the old you, this does not mean you are back as the old you. Not until you act on these thoughts. I am hoping these spiritual conversations we regularly have are motivating you to find your spiritual true self.” “I am glad you come to visit me. I am always grateful I have someone to talk to who is similarly interested in a more meaningful spiritual life. I don’t know why it took me so long to see the light. My mother and some relatives always had a spiritual outlook in life. At that time I thought this was a lot of bunk. Spirituality has recently made a big difference in my life.”
Mr. Thompson has intermittent problems with breathing. His medical condition is deteriorating. He now has three or four vertebrae severely damaged due to his consistent coughing. “My emphysema illness is contributing to my deterioration. I also have recently developed problems in breathing. When I am not having these severe pains, I can more freely meditate and carry on a conversation with God. However, when these attacks come I get disoriented. It seems I loose track of reality. I have this fear of losing my faith in God. I do not want to come back to the old me.” “Russ,this is understandable. Very few people are as level headed when they are in severe pain. My suggestion is to ask God to accompany you in these moments of trial.” “I know He is always with me. But during these times I get disoriented and I find myself separate from Him.” “If you realize Jesus is always walking beside you, I believe one cannot have fear”, I replied. I also suggested to him to keep asking for medication from the nurse’s ward to alleviate his suffering.
After so much previous hesitation, Mr. Thompson confided in me that he wrote his sister asking for forgiveness. “I received a letter of reply from my sister. It is in that envelope over there (beside his bed). Please read it.” In summary this letter stated his sister has forgiven him. And that they would meet again in heaven. I commented, “This letter could not have been written any better. All these meditations and prayers are now making you realize God has forgiven you. Look at the changes in yourself these past few months.” “I hope I have the opportunity to see my family members again. I would like to show them I am not the same person I was before. I want to see my mother and other relatives to tell them how God has changed me. But initially I would like to live in an interfaith shelter here in this county. I want to continue giving God’s message to mankind.”
The Parole board finally gave approval for a medical parole for Mr. Wade. In all my experiences, these medical parole releases always follow with the prisoner dying very soon after. It is my belief, the prison personnel will not grant a medical release unless they are reasonably sure the prisoner will die very soon after release. In fact on some occasions the prisoner patient dies before being released.
Here is an incident that occurred before Mr. Thompson’s release on medical parole. “Tony. I am very concerned about a report given to me by the prison personnel. It states I would sell my morphine when paroled. I believe a nurse at the ward supposedly reported this was said by me. I am not sure. It may have been another inmate patient who reported this comment. In truth I may have said this just as a joke. It makes me angry because for one, the corrections department has informed me they will not supply me with morphine when I am released. I am going to suffer in pain. I feel like reverting back to my old self when people accuse me of something involving drugs I have no intentions on following through.” “Russ, it would be a major setback if you revert to your old self. Look at the big picture. Your goal is to have peace not only in this life but also in your spiritual life when you die. Take a good look at everyone else you deal with. Don’t you think we all have some kind of problems?” “I understand what you are saying. But we are convicts. Nobody here will take a convicts word before a nurse or anyone else on the outside. My vertebrae is even deteriorating. I will not be able to get some medical pain relief on the outside.” At this time I noticed Mr. Wade was on his usual wheel chair and would probably be this way for the rest of his life. Also, he was breathing with the help of an oxygen tube.
A week later Mr. Thompson reported to me, “I am on a withdrawal program from morphine pain medication. These withdrawal doses are going too fast. I feel my body cannot cope with it. They are making me suffer.” He was in bed and too weak to sit on his wheel chair. “What if I suddenly got well and all these medical problems completely disappeared. Will I revert back to my old life style? I don’t know. One thing I do know, I don’t want to loose the peace and serenity I have found with God in my life.” I said, ”You have worked so hard to get you where you are now.” A few days later Mr. Thompson reported his regression from a previous large dosage of morphine was going well, He also had some spiritual matters to talk about which was giving him pace of mind.
A few days before his release I visited Russ. He looked physically better than the previous days I saw him. “Tony. I feel great. I know God has given me this parole opportunity to amend my life. I also read and re-read those spiritual prayers and inspirational materials which is now a ritual I follow through. You have helped me significantly in changing my life and of being aware of God’s presence. Tony, I even feel physically better. I do not need those pain killers like morphine now. I feel like a new man. Look, I am also not using the oxygen tubes to help me breath. This is like a miracle to me. I would like to show my mother I am not the old selfish person she used to know. I recently thanked the nurse for helping me. Even though I recall a few times we had our serious disagreements. I thanked her for her care to us convicts.” “And what was her reaction” I asked? “She cried. She told me some days she has too much pressure imposed on her.”
Five months later, the Medical Social Worker at the Corrections Department informed me Mr. Thompson died in a medical facility.
Russ Thompson was a man in his middle fifties admitted at the prison hospital for end stage COPD. During my visits with him he was usually on a wheel chair and he was attached to an oxygen tube to facilitate his breathing. He also had emphysema which resulted in him uncomfortably coughing regularly. I decided to write a brief biography of his life. In my judgment, his last days in his life shows more of an interesting drama of human nature then what you can watch on most current TV programs. Here is his story.
“I am thankful to talk with someone who has similar beliefs as I do. I am at peace with myself. My only regret is that I have not been truly of God until these last recent years.” Mr. Thompson started his spiritual path about one or two years ago. He was surprised how much peace it has brought in his life. He credits his conversion to his incarceration in the state prison. “As I was serving my time here in prison, I began to see the spiritual side of me. I don’t know why I committed those crimes which till now I am very remorseful.” Mr. Thompson needed some uplifting. So I said to him, ”You had to go the bottom of your humanity to see the truth of what your spiritual self is made of. Now it is time to move on to a better way of life.” “I do not fear death”’ he said. “I am confident at the thought of death.”
As is typical of prisoners such as Mr. Thompson, he had his up and down days. This is what he told me in the following visit: “I am still very much focused on communicating with God through my prayers. But I am having difficulty meditating this week. My mother just informed me that my brother committed suicide. I am hoping and praying God will still accept him. It bothers me.” “Russ, God’s mercy exceeds more than what any of us humans are capable of. Besides, you do not really know what mental torture your brother had to go through before he decided to end his life. Are we sure you or I would have acted differently?” Russ continued, “When I was growing up I was very close to a brother who had cerebral palsy. No one in the family could understand his speech. But I did. I wanted to take care of him. I was angry at God for giving me such a brother with cerebral palsy. I could not stomach those preachers on TV talking about God. Now I believe I am a different person. But once in a while the old personality seems to come back. I catch myself and start praying.” Later, as I was leaving the prison hospital, I wondered. Was this the brother his mother informed him who recently committed suicide?
“I was a different person before I found God. However, I am not always confident I have completely rejected my past life. Tony, here is an example of what I am talking about. This incident recently happened. I was shaving with my safety razor here at the hospital and the nurse told me to turn the safety razor in. I have 20 or more safety razors in my cell block and I could not understand why I could not keep mine here. The nurse quickly responded, “I am going to write you a ticket (violation).” At first this made me angry. But then I calmed down because I am now not an angry man. I used to be before. Even when I was growing up I was that way. I would challenge every authority figure.” “Russ, we are not human beings that are perfect in every way. When your thoughts come back where you find yourself as the old you, this does not mean you are back as the old you. Not until you act on these thoughts. I am hoping these spiritual conversations we regularly have are motivating you to find your spiritual true self.” “I am glad you come to visit me. I am always grateful I have someone to talk to who is similarly interested in a more meaningful spiritual life. I don’t know why it took me so long to see the light. My mother and some relatives always had a spiritual outlook in life. At that time I thought this was a lot of bunk. Spirituality has recently made a big difference in my life.”
Mr. Thompson has intermittent problems with breathing. His medical condition is deteriorating. He now has three or four vertebrae severely damaged due to his consistent coughing. “My emphysema illness is contributing to my deterioration. I also have recently developed problems in breathing. When I am not having these severe pains, I can more freely meditate and carry on a conversation with God. However, when these attacks come I get disoriented. It seems I loose track of reality. I have this fear of losing my faith in God. I do not want to come back to the old me.” “Russ,this is understandable. Very few people are as level headed when they are in severe pain. My suggestion is to ask God to accompany you in these moments of trial.” “I know He is always with me. But during these times I get disoriented and I find myself separate from Him.” “If you realize Jesus is always walking beside you, I believe one cannot have fear”, I replied. I also suggested to him to keep asking for medication from the nurse’s ward to alleviate his suffering.
After so much previous hesitation, Mr. Thompson confided in me that he wrote his sister asking for forgiveness. “I received a letter of reply from my sister. It is in that envelope over there (beside his bed). Please read it.” In summary this letter stated his sister has forgiven him. And that they would meet again in heaven. I commented, “This letter could not have been written any better. All these meditations and prayers are now making you realize God has forgiven you. Look at the changes in yourself these past few months.” “I hope I have the opportunity to see my family members again. I would like to show them I am not the same person I was before. I want to see my mother and other relatives to tell them how God has changed me. But initially I would like to live in an interfaith shelter here in this county. I want to continue giving God’s message to mankind.”
The Parole board finally gave approval for a medical parole for Mr. Wade. In all my experiences, these medical parole releases always follow with the prisoner dying very soon after. It is my belief, the prison personnel will not grant a medical release unless they are reasonably sure the prisoner will die very soon after release. In fact on some occasions the prisoner patient dies before being released.
Here is an incident that occurred before Mr. Thompson’s release on medical parole. “Tony. I am very concerned about a report given to me by the prison personnel. It states I would sell my morphine when paroled. I believe a nurse at the ward supposedly reported this was said by me. I am not sure. It may have been another inmate patient who reported this comment. In truth I may have said this just as a joke. It makes me angry because for one, the corrections department has informed me they will not supply me with morphine when I am released. I am going to suffer in pain. I feel like reverting back to my old self when people accuse me of something involving drugs I have no intentions on following through.” “Russ, it would be a major setback if you revert to your old self. Look at the big picture. Your goal is to have peace not only in this life but also in your spiritual life when you die. Take a good look at everyone else you deal with. Don’t you think we all have some kind of problems?” “I understand what you are saying. But we are convicts. Nobody here will take a convicts word before a nurse or anyone else on the outside. My vertebrae is even deteriorating. I will not be able to get some medical pain relief on the outside.” At this time I noticed Mr. Wade was on his usual wheel chair and would probably be this way for the rest of his life. Also, he was breathing with the help of an oxygen tube.
A week later Mr. Thompson reported to me, “I am on a withdrawal program from morphine pain medication. These withdrawal doses are going too fast. I feel my body cannot cope with it. They are making me suffer.” He was in bed and too weak to sit on his wheel chair. “What if I suddenly got well and all these medical problems completely disappeared. Will I revert back to my old life style? I don’t know. One thing I do know, I don’t want to loose the peace and serenity I have found with God in my life.” I said, ”You have worked so hard to get you where you are now.” A few days later Mr. Thompson reported his regression from a previous large dosage of morphine was going well, He also had some spiritual matters to talk about which was giving him pace of mind.
A few days before his release I visited Russ. He looked physically better than the previous days I saw him. “Tony. I feel great. I know God has given me this parole opportunity to amend my life. I also read and re-read those spiritual prayers and inspirational materials which is now a ritual I follow through. You have helped me significantly in changing my life and of being aware of God’s presence. Tony, I even feel physically better. I do not need those pain killers like morphine now. I feel like a new man. Look, I am also not using the oxygen tubes to help me breath. This is like a miracle to me. I would like to show my mother I am not the old selfish person she used to know. I recently thanked the nurse for helping me. Even though I recall a few times we had our serious disagreements. I thanked her for her care to us convicts.” “And what was her reaction” I asked? “She cried. She told me some days she has too much pressure imposed on her.”
Five months later, the Medical Social Worker at the Corrections Department informed me Mr. Thompson died in a medical facility.
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