DEPRESSION IN PRISON LIFE



Janelle was at the prison hospital for terminal lung cancer. Although she was not actively in the process of dying, her case was much more of a typically depressed and despondent person exposed to the routine life of incarceration. One look at her and you could very easily sense the despondency and feeling of abandonment by someone not only incarcerated but also facing the almost sure probability of dying of cancer. Janelle was in prison as a habitual criminal who was accused of shop lifting and also she was a drug abuser.

Here is her story. “I would like my husband to visit me. He does not know I am now in the prison hospital because my lung cancer has progressed more rapidly. Also, I would like my three children to visit me here.” Family members usually are notified by the Corrections Department when their love ones become seriously ill. But it is not uncommon to observe how readily family members abandon their loved ones when suddenly they are incarcerated.

“I keep hearing these voices in my mind telling me I have lost my relationship, especially with my mother and sisters because of my guilt. These voices tell me I deserve to be in jail, sick with lung cancer, and abandoned by my close relatives.” Months ago, the hospital had sent a psychiatrist to examine her for her mental depression and for possible schizophrenia.

Not being a psychiatrist the best advice I could offer was to pray that those voices would fade away. “Tell those voices you, with the help of Jesus Christ, are still in charge of yourself and to shut up!”

The following week I asked Janelle,”Did your mother finally come to see you?” “Yes she came. I felt very glad to see her. And those voices, they don’t come as often as before. But I still hear those voices.” Her mental illness seemed to lessen after she had experienced some love and affection.

Janelle was a very religious person. The first item she asked for when I initially visited her was to have a copy of the Bible in her room. She frequently reeled off passages from the Bible. And so in one of my visits I started reading my printed sheet of Psalm 21, “The Lord is my Shepard”. And to my surprise she continued reciting Psalm 21 word for word by memory.

This is my opinion: religion, the Bible, and mechanical recitation of prayers are not enough to rid oneself of anxiety and depression. “Abandon the search for God and similar things of that kind. Instead, take yourself as the starting place. Ask who it is within you who makes everything his own, saying, “my mind”, “my heart”, “my God”. Learn the sources of love, joy, hate, and desire ….If you carefully examine all these things, you will find God in yourself.”

Reference: "The Origin of Satan" by Elaine Pagels , Vintage 1996

I ALSO, AM A HUMAN BEING


Norbert, a prisoner/patient, was a small, skinny, middle aged man who was seriously ill of lung cancer. He already had one lung surgically removed. Norbert showed me a hole under a bandaged patch on one armpit beside his chest. Lifting out this patch, he said, “You see this hole? This is why the prison system is letting me go. They know I will die soon.” Norbert was talking about a Medical Parole granted by the Corrections Department in a few cases like his. This hole was probably left to facilitate draining the fluid collecting in his lungs. He was still feisty and constantly complaining about the cancer treatment he was getting at the prison hospital.

Norbert was also a Vietnam veteran. In my early years of prison hospice work, I was surprised to meet so many prisoner/patients who were Vietnam War veterans. This man was bothered by an incident in one of his combat missions where he shot and killed a Vietnamese boy. I asked Norbert, “What would have happened if you did not kill him?” He answered, “The boy was holding a rifle. I don’t know. I have nightmares seeing him in my dreams.” Norbert obviously was still suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) due to his combat experience.

Being a Hospice spiritual volunteer, I sometimes quote, for Norbert in this case, a few Bible readings and some of the Psalms. Norbert’s usual responses to all these readings were, “Yeah, Yeah ...”. Clearly he was not really interested in spiritual quotes or formal prayers. However, Norbert told me more than once, “Yes, I believe in God”.

Norbert’s behavior of anger and frustration directed at the Prison System concerning his health care treatments continued, to the point of threatening to sue the Corrections Department, for a few more weeks. However it was clear Norbert was losing the battle of staying alive. As the weeks went by, Norbert was now getting weaker and becoming less combative. Many of these prisoner/patients who get admitted to this hospital, know the hospital is their last stop. Being admitted to this hospital is in their words “the final death sentence” for them.

The last time I saw Norbert was the day before he was to be medically paroled. In that last conversation he was very emotional talking about his parents and other people he was close to in his life. At one point he said to me, “I wish to be buried beside my parents in a cemetery in Pennsylvania”. This was the first time I’ve seen Norbert cry. After I said goodbye to him, he came up to me and gave me a strong long hug. As I was leaving the prison hospital, I thought to myself, “This was all Norbert ever wanted from me!” But again, it was possible it was not me Norbert wanted to hold unto. He may have wanted to hold unto his love ones or Jesus Christ himself.

The next day on Herbert’s release, his relatives met him at the prison to take custody of him. Less then twenty four hours after his release, Norbert died. I hope his wish of being buried beside his parents in Pennsylvania came true.

Since Norbert was a Vietnam veteran, I am closing his story recalling on TV how the “Battle Hymn of the Republic” was sung by some US soldiers in Vietnam, revised with their own rendition.

“Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord …….
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! What a hell of a way to die! …….”